As moms, we hear over and over to make self-care a priority, but in reality, it is really hard to schedule the time to actually make it happen. When my kids were young, I would take brief moments while I made a cup of tea and I managed to book in a weekly run club (if you are looking for an inclusive and positive run group, check out SportMed BC). I talk about some of my strategies in my blog post Self Care: How can parents of neurodiverse kids take care of themselves? But now that my kids are a bit older, I have restructured how my husband and I share the mental load and put my self-care on the priority list.
The catalyst for me was the summer of 2021. I was at home with my kids and my business was still in the planning stages. I was trying to create summer memories with my family, but overwhelmed and desperately needing a break. I was scrolling Facebook and came across an ad for Mom Camp. It was advertised as a women's retreat in Squamish where moms have an opportunity to take space and rediscover themselves. On a whim, I booked myself into camp and started day dreaming about all the camp experiences I had as a kid, and the wonderful memories I had of camp.
A few months later, the time had come and it was time for my weekend away. I packed my bag and headed up for a weekend focused entirely on me and prioritizing my needs. From the gift bag upon arrival, the thoughtfully curated workshops, the incredible meals to the wine tasting and dance party, the weekend was beyond what I could have hoped for. I was able to take a breath, think about and plan what I hoped my family life could look like, and make meaningful connections with other moms that I still connect with today. I went home rejuvenated and ready to have some deep conversations with my husband about how we can share the mental load and I can add some things for myself onto our calendar.
Starting This World's Ours Centre was the main factor in changing how my husband and I shared the mental load in our family, as I didn't have the time or the energy to continue the current arrangement. He prioritized my work and became the primary parent. He had just started a new job that allowed him to work from home and this allowed us the opportunity to make some changes. He was now responsible for school drop offs and pick ups, all of the appointments, and ensuring we had groceries and dinner on the table. It was an adjustment for me as well, as I needed to step back and trust that he was able to handle it. Everything would get done, just not maybe how I would do it. As my mental load decreased, so did my anxiety. I had space to think about my own needs and to not feel so anxious about having to be everything for everybody in my family.
Over the next few years, I slowly added things to our calendar and prioritized my needs. This last year I have really focused on my health and ensuring that I am healthy to take care of my kids. After losing my mom this year and turning 40, I was motivated to be healthy and in shape so that I can keep up with my family. I found a personal trainer that has shown me patience and grace as I learn to be vulnerable and do exercises I haven't done in years.
I also started kickboxing at Flow Martial Arts. My kids used to take karate with Josh and I felt comfortable with him and his team. Kickboxing has been a bucket list item for me, but I never had the courage to give it a try. Now that I was feeling more confident about my body and in better shape, I decided this was my time to give it a shot. I have absolutely loved learning to punch and kick and am feeling my self-confidence increase with each class I take.
It's a balance, trying to take time for myself and also ensuring that I spend quality time with my kids and husband. Some weeks I manage successfully and other weeks it is more challenging. I have learned, though, that I am a more patient mom, and my kids are getting a better version of me when I have had time to take care of myself.
I hope that some of this resonates with you and if you ever need someone to connect with, I love speaking with parents about this journey. You can find me at This World's Ours Centre in Vancouver.
Take care,
Koryn
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